February 10, 2006, 9:29 am

Hi everyone,

Today I'm sad. It looks like I might be headed for a mastectomy. Both my surgeon and I are SO depressed about it. Every time someone asks me how I am, tears come up in my eyes and I can't talk coz thats all I'm thinking about.

After I left his office this morning, I went to town and just wandered around coz I couldn't face going to work. I was thinking, the next chapter in my "book" will be titled The Death of My Breast. Thats whats going to happen, isn't it? They will kill it. I'm SOOOOOOO sad.

My surgeon is speaking with the pathologist again to confirm if its the only way to go then will consult widely with other oncologists to confirm the same.

As I walked I thought, this is like sin in our lives. Its the only way to deal with it. You cut it off and throw it away otherwise it will spread and kill the rest of your body. But like me and my breast, sometimes we feel so sad at the thought of doing without it that we want to just hang on yet its just a matter of time before the sickness starts to spread to vital organs. Even if painful, we MUST cut it off so that we can have a chance at a healthy spiritual life.

I'm still hoping and hoping that I won't need the surgery but I've prayed for grace to accept if it must be.

Besides that, the wound is doing VERY well and I'll be getting a stitch tomorrow to seal the little opening.

Will update you next week.

Dee