December 6, 2005, 12:08 pm

Hi everyone,

How are you all? I hope some of you respond!!!!

I'm feeling quite well having not had chemo for what feels like ages. My hair is even sprouting. Its about....wait let me measure...ok, its 0.2cm. Unfortunately its really scattered and can't actually be seen unless you stand just so with a light behind you so to the general public, I still look bald.

I had the joy of directing the choir this past Sunday. I enjoyed it immensely. At some point the thought came that I am standing in front of the whole church with my "new look" as people are calling it. What must they think but a second later I got taken up with the singing and forgot all about it.

I also chose to come to the office bare headed. Some people loved the look, others were totally tickled by it, and others had to look for somewhere else to look, like the ground or my shoulder when talking to me. But I think most are now used to it.

I had an episode last week where some check out guys in a supermarket laughed at me. I saw one tell the other something then they looked at me and began to laugh. When they saw me looking at them, they turned away sheepishly. I wanted to go up to them and yell at them or something and tell them why I don't have hair and hope they are racked by guilt and remorse but I remembered I was once advised that events in our life will cause all sorts of reaction but as long as those who matter know whats up, the rest don't matter. They will talk, and laugh and manufacture more stories out of it, but eventually they will move on to the next thing. God can help us grow a thick skin for this. He's done this for me before and I know can do it again.

I'm also able to eat pretty much what I want so have been enjoying the foods I know I'll soon detest once chemo starts again.

Regarding my treatment, I'm scheduled to go back for surgery tomorrow at 2:00pm. The surgeon needs to do what is called a re-exision which means cutting another margin around where the tumour was. This is because there is one corner that was not clean but the rest is ok. He also needs to remove some more lymph nodes because all the ones he removed turned out to be cancerous. I was sort of prepared for this but was obviously not happy to get the news. However, the surgeon has done a wonderful job in explaining to me in detail whats going on and I have tons of material to read to confirm that with breast conservation, this is almost expected.

I know there has been concern from some of you who feel I should just go ahead and get a mastectomy instead of trying for conservation. My only answer to this is that if there is a possibility of conservation being successful, why not give it a shot. However, I hasten to reassure you that if I am advised that a mastectomy is the best course of action, I will not hesitate to give the go ahead. I am praying about this and consulting with both the oncologist and the surgeon before the surgery is done. I would appreciate it if you would pray with me.

The other thing we hope will not occur is emphedema. This time I will need to have a drain in my armpit for a few days but once its removed, we hope fluid will flow through my arm with no problem. Another prayer item.

At the beginning of this journey we prayed about getting the right doctors and I believe we got them. What we didn't figure...I didn't figure...was the importance of praying for a good pathologist and lab technician - basically everyone who is dealing with my case. As I shared with you...did I...my specimen was not handled correctly and so its taken ages to get the results of the biopsy plus I had to do another FNA (where they stick a needle into a tumour or whatever and pull out fluid to test if it has tumour) but fortunately this turned out fine - no tumour. The doctor had wanted this checked out before we go to surgery so he knows exactly how much work he needs to do where.

So, once I go in tomorrow, I'll probably come by the office in a week or so to check on mail but otherwise I do not expect to spend much time here until next year. So if you need to write, please cc Jane.

I thank you all for standing with me through these last four months. May the Lord continue to bless you and use you to bless others as you have done me.

I pray too that the joy of Christ's birth will be very, VERY real to all of you and that you will be rejoicing with the angels as we praise Him again for this wonderful gift of love.

My love to you all,
Dee