November 18, 2005, 10:31 am

Hi All,

I feel like this is the third phase of my journey, the first being the chemo I've had so far, the second is the surgery and the third, the next dozes of chemo.

Thank you so, so much for your prayers and sms's and emails and visits. I'm so touched by your love and concern for me. You really cheered me up.

So. I went into hospital on tuesday 8th night. I couldn't sleep. Thinking too much. Then Wednesday morning, bright and early, my surgeon comes to inject some blue dye into the tumour. He wanted to follow the route and see exactly where in the nodes it goes...meaning thats where the cancerous cells are. I tell you people it is the MOST PAINFUL THING I HAVE EVER GONE THROUGH. Horribly horrible. I didn't know whether to bite my lip or his hand or what. It hurt like crazy. He used a huge (well it looked huge to me) needle and the syringe was like litres...okay, i exagerate...but it seemed to take forever and I was in TOTAL AGONY.

Anyway, eventually he was done then he massaged it in I suppose to make sure its spread out. Just felt like he was rubbing it in and that hurt! Then about 30 minutes later they took me into the theatre. This is not my first surgery but I was terrified. I've been feeling a part of everything thats gone on thus far but at that point I knew I'd be in lala land and not able to even watch what he was doing. I prayed all the way from my ward and into the theatre. Kept thinking God has made music a big part of my life so why not make use of it so sang songs of encouragement to myself. It helped but I still had red eyes from trying not to cry too hard when they wheeled me in. A few seconds later, I was out.

Another thing that scared me was that one of the surgeries I had, I woke up and couldn't breath and the nurses were away in one corner just chatting. I don't know what made one of them turn and manage to eventually understand that I couldn't breath (of course couldn't talk or move to tell them!). I kept thinking what if that happens again. Well this time, when I woke up, a nurse was standing by my trolley and just staring at me. And again I couldn't breath but this time she was right there to try figure out what I was trying to say and gave me oxygen right away.

Oh wait, one special thing the Lord did. As soon as I arrived in the "waiting room" in the theatre, one of the nurses came over to me, took my hand in hers and told me I'll be fine, then she leaned closer and told me she loves the Lord and wants to pray with me. Wasn't that special? Well, she called two others just before I was knocked out and we prayed and every morning after that, she passed by my room before she went on duty to pray with me. That just had God's fingerprints all over it.

Okay, this is becoming one of those long epistles and Jane is waiting to drive me home (they won't let me drive!) so let me save the rest for later.

In summary, I'm not yet back at work. I return on Wednesday but you can now respond direct to me (thanks Jane for your help. You are super).

My histology report is not yet ready. I should be getting it tomorrow. My wounds are ok except the one in my armpit. There is a swelling there and it kinda throbs once in a while, sometimes quite painfully, but the doc says nothing to worry about. He is keeping his eye on it. The rest are healing very well. Actually so is this...except for the swelling.

So once he, the surgeon, is happy with the healing of all three wounds, I'll continue with chemo. Not yet sure exactly when but maybe next week.

More updates on Wednesday.

You guys are all super special and truly being used by the Lord to bless me and keep me smiling. Again sorry for putting some of you in the cc line.

Let's keep walking.
Dee